Volume 1, Issue 6: High on whatever the MLS is dealing right now

Put it straight into my veins

So, I assume most of you have never been high on cocaine. I have, cocaine is fun, in your early 20’s. I kinda feel bad for most of you, who have never had the feeling of riding that edge.

Let’s be 100% fair, a coke hangover is literally te worst hangover I have ever had. I mean it lasted two days and I was a sloth, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, and this was when I was, like 23 years old and (in my mind) an immortal, invincible to anything (I had already been hit by 4 cars) and that coke hangover kicked my (not proverbial) fucking ass.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t partake a couple more times, I mean I was 22, working and living in Uptown at a restaurant once referred to a Coke 90210. But I quickly learned there was a “coke” lifestyle and literally every other lifestyle. I preferred any other lifestyle.

But, sometimes you (well me) have experiences that if not fully immerse me, they give me back a tiny bit of that frenetic experience, that chaos, and God-willing that borderline orgasmic pleasure of the powder. It might seem weird but the birth of my child, how goddamn quick he showed up in this world, had my adrenaline pumping and I was in a euphoric state for several hours. My wedding (the best one, not the first one) was similar, I was there and then all of a sudden it was over. But tonight, everything slowed down. And here is where the drug references get somewhat weird and align with my past athletic life.

This #MLSisBack tournament has been, demonstrably, a terrible idea. There have been two teams (forcibly, but not really because they are still all there, “quarantined”) removed from the tournament, which necessitated a “slight” reformatting of the group stage (hi Coke Dave). Then a positive test from a team playing on Sunday (this happened on Thursday) but wait, a positive and an inconclusive test from teams playing Sunday morning, the night before their match.

If you are like me (or 22-tear-old me) you might be a little confused. Don’t worry baby, false positives, oh wait, shit, what!

Oh, false positives are good. Whew! Nevermind.

Anyways, I write this all now, and layout (some of) my previous drug use, because the greatest drug of all was watching whatever the fuck the San Jose Earthquakes did in the last 20 minutes of their match with the Vancouver Whitecaps! I cum for one person and one person only, my wife (also apparently Shea Salinas 99th minute winners) so, two people I guess.


A Few Other Things of Interest

Maybe COVID is really the friends we made along the way

One pod this week, but it was a good one and the first one that we have recorded post an MNUFC match, a win, again! (That definitely will not stop being weird to write)

Tits out for the homies

About goddamn time! I really do not want to bring my kid up in such a puritanical and body-shaming country!


Some things you may have missed

Soccer line changes, I am here for it!

Five subs will be in effect for the entire 20-21 season next year.

The rich get richer, as it is, which as a Liverpool fan, I am pretty fine with.

Fuck Manchester City

This is all!

Also new in this spot will be a NASCAR/Video Game/Whatever column

Looking forward to it Jesse!