Volume 1, Issue 5: Just, why?

The question of our lifetime!

I woke up this morning, a bit groggy, and I stumbled downstairs to see my wife and child playing with blocks. I was like, “get out of my way child, daddy’s got some #MLSisBack to watch.” (I did say hashtag as well, I am nothing if not on brand)

I turned the TV on, fired up the old YouTubeTV, went to ESPN and all I saw was… not soccer. Just Adrian Healy’s dumb face telling me that DC United had a positive test and Toronto FC had an inconclusive test, fucking yesterday! So why did the match get called off mere moments before it was supposed to kick-off? Why did Toronto not even show up on the field if they were planning on playing? Why are we even fucking doing this!?

Joe McSportsfan will point to the resumption of soccer in most countries in Europe and will say, see, they are doing it. Joe McSportsfan is a fucking idiot and that is a terrible name. Germany, Italy, Spain and England are able to safely resume sport because (sometimes in spite of) leaders of those countries, leading. Their citizens have, for the most part, been responsible, stayed home, wear masks, don’t act like manifest destiny is a fucking thing. We, US citizens, have roundly said fuck that! Give us Liberty and Give us Death!

As I said on Twitter earlier this week, (seriously, I am a pretty good follow) I’m not sure anyone in the world wants sports back more than I, seriously Mickey Mouse Clubhouse might drive me to start heroin, but sport right now, in the United States, is probably not a great idea.

It’s hard to be a fan of European soccer teams, seeing them playing and trying to square that with how utterly unprepared and criminally negligent sports leaders in our country have been. Am I watching it? I sure as fuck am, the NWSL has been amazing, Lynn Williams is a revelation and you can’t not watch FC Cincinnati be a goddamn shit show! But, I don’t feel good about it. I am probably a terrible person, but I need some kind of sweet release that is not the fucking HOT DOG song!

A few other things of interest

Just a reminder we recorded a podcast with an actual doctor talking about how fucking terrible of an idea this tournament actually is, considering the way they decided to run it!

A powerful protest

The Philadelphia Union surprised everyone by playing their first match of the #MLSisBack tourney with the names of black people murdered by police. This was actually amazing and as I was watching it live I was perplexed by why Philly kept their BLM shirts on for so long, but the reveal was fucking amazing! Good job Philly!

Not sure how I missed this

This is a tifo!

Gary Larson is back

I was a huge Far Side fan growing up. I basically told my aunt that I get her Far Side collection books in her will or she was dead to me as an 8-year-old, which actually explains a lot of things. So I was shocked and pleasantly surprised when the comic was recently revitalized as a website. If nothing else I could read some of the comics I absolutely loved and only occasionally had no idea what the joke was, on a semi-regular basis. Then Larson dropped a bomb this week and posted some new material. It’s a bit subpar, but when your bar is a fucking genius…

Some things you may have missed

Go watch Hamilton you dum-dum!

I didn’t realize how much I needed this Haim song until I listened to it. (Also the Haim sisters really do like to walk/run in their music videos)

Definitive LaCroix rankings

And finally, my very good friend Bill has the definitive rankings of LaCroix flavors. Mango is way too low, but it’s his list so…

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