Uncle Ted can fuck right the fuck off!

Auntie Karen too!

So, apparently, the oldest dude in the US Senate has the ‘Rona. I am here to tell you, be joyful about that. Jump up and down. Wipe it in the faces of all of your COVID denying Karen’s and Chad’s faces. Fucking really lay into them. Do you know why you should do this, regularly, religiously even? Because they don't care. They don’t believe COVID is real, they don’t think it is coming for them, even as they come off of ventilators, their lives saved by the modern miracle that is medicine, even after their supposed leader tells them he had the ‘Vid.

Literally, none of these people deserve your sympathy. I understand the conflict that a lot of people face. Loved ones, people you have spent your entire life with are now self-identifying as raging assholes. It sucks. It really does. It sucks even harder because, for the longest time, we were able to sweep our friends’ and families’ asshole behavior under the rug because they weren’t actively hurting us (us being cishet white people here, by the way). (Even as their behavior, votes, etc. put millions of people at risk)

However, actions have consequences, and it is imperative that we shuffle these troglodytes off to the dustbin of history. Your presence at family events is not “obligatory” if you have anti-vaxxers and freedumb anti-maskers at that event. If you tell your family that you’d rather just do holidays at home by yourself because you want to see them all next year and you get shit for that… fuck those people. No one deserves to die because Aunt Ellen needs to whip up her shitty mashed potatoes (please for the love of Christ, more butter in the potatoes Ellen. And would it kill you to throw some cheese in there?) and you don’t deserve any shit from your family when you tell them you are staying home because you’d rather not be responsible for people dying.

I sent a text the Wednesday after the election to my parents, sister, and brother-in-law telling them I would not allow my almost 2-year-old son to see his Great-Grandmother ever again (noted Trump sycophant). This woman has been terrible to most of my family for the last 38 years. My text was wrong, in that it was the wrong avenue to deliver this news. I own that one, however, the content was not. Our opponents continue to tell us all the time (when they win) elections have consequences. The terrible old lady who lives in Forest Lake never has to deal with the consequences of an election. They pack their bags in mid-November, drive their motorhome down to the US-Mexico border, and hang out there until March. Then they come back and hang out in Minnesota for the best parts of Minnesota weather. This woman has never had to deal with the consequences of an election, and for the record neither have I and if we are honest another four years of the raging orange Id would probably not directly affect me, my wife, our son, or our future kid. However, elections do have consequences and I fully believe that depriving this monstrosity of a woman access to her great-grandkid is one way to show her that.

And let’s be honest, the last four years have been terrible for so many people that we care about. Fuck, the last 40 years have been shitty with tiny increments of progress. Another four years would’ve been heartbreaking. So when your shitty uncle Ted laments single mothers, food stamps, and the fact that “working class” is getting left behind, by all means, tell uncle Ted to “fuck right the fuck off.”

Or don’t, hopefully, you are being responsible and either celebrating with as few people as possible or not at all (honestly celebrating the time we broke bread with people and then proceeded to genocide them for the next 300+ years seems, at best, weird). If you need to see your family, please take every possible precaution. Test before you leave and then isolate (as best you can) until you get to your destination. Being responsible for anyone’s death seems like a burden that no one should ever have to bear. However, if your shitty Aunt Cindy is insistent that COVID doesn’t exist, well then one less shitty mouthbreather.

Arguing that people deserve to die is pretty shitty. The fact that we are here, that 250,000 Americans are already dead, that people who recover after ventilators and tell their ICU staff that COVID is still in fact a hoax is fucked. These dumb assholes chant “My body, my choice” with literally zero sense of irony. They bitch about personal freedoms while saddling their progeny with mountains of debt (medical and educational). But I am here to argue that people deserve to die. Now no one should die willy-nilly. However, if you actively live your life doing your best to disregard people’s existence, trying to kill them, and/or being so negligent they want to take their own life, you don’t deserve yours. If you as a person continually put people’s lives in danger by your actions, you don’t deserve any sympathy from us and don’t deserve that ICU bed that should be reserved for someone who cares, who has worked to make people’s lives better.

The sad part of the ‘Vid is that it has really deprived us of high-profile kill shots (Herman Cain tweeting from the dead notwithstanding). Lots of really great people have died because y’all need a fucking motorcycle rally, or watching a Vikings game at an Itasca sports bar, or [insert shitty behavior here]. Trump and republicans around this country are actively trying to kill people and here we are.

I, for one, am here to tell you that these people don’t deserve your time or your attention if they are unwilling to mask up. It will be hard to tell family members they are not welcomed or invited, but honestly, what would you rather do, see these people again for the next 2-50 years (apologizing for being overprotective) or go to multiple Zoom funerals in 2021. I for one refuse to attend Zoom funerals, so if you die this year because of your own shitty choices, well you can fuck right off!